Body Language



“The utmost form of respect is to give sincerely of your presence.” 
-Mollie Marti

Can we be disrespectful if we aren't saying anything?

Absolutely!

 

Statistics show that roughly 55% of what we say is non-verbal, 38% is the tone we use and only 7% is the actual spoken word. I don't know about you, but that amazes me! More than half of what we say is communicated by our non-verbals!

 

We had non-verbals before we had speech, it was our first language. We were not born with the ability to speak. Our care takers had to become students of reading our non-verbal cues. As we developed and were able to speak, it became easier for them to understand our needs. At the same time, the significance of non-verbals remained the same.

 

Growing up, the disprespect of talking back to our parents or other adults was strictly forbidden. Fortunately, I have an older sister to learn from and got a front row seat to the one time she tried it. I mastered the skill of showing my displeasure through my non-verbals, particularly in my teenage years. Wheather it was an eye roll, crossing my arms, a raised eye brow or my stance; I spoke, without speaking.  

 

Early in my marriage when there was a disagreement, I would refuse to speak. I did this, not because I was trying to help the situtation, but because I don't like conflict with my husband. The easiest response for me is to shut down. However, there were times I did it because I realized how much 'power' it gave me. My husband is a problem solver and wants to immediately fix everything. I am a stuffer and like to process things in my own timing. I soon realized how not speaking, was my biggest weapon in our arguements. I did not see it then as being disrespectful, because I was not saying anything. It was not until I was older that I realized the truth. Nearly seventeen years later, I still fight the urge to shut down. I want to be respectful and so I push myself to have conversations I would otherwise avoid. 

 

Non-verbals are expressed through our gestures, posture, touch, space and facial expressions. We can say one thing and yet our non-verbals communicate something completly different. Here are a few examples: 





Crossed arms can convey an attitude of being closed minded, irritated, impatient, or bored.

Eye rolling is disprespectful and demonstrates that you think what the other person is saying has no value.

Your stance is a key to how you communicate. It can easily depict anger, frustration, or impatience.



Sometimes refusing to speak or ignoring the other person is just as disrespectful as what you say.

Gestures can be helpful or harmful. They say everything without saying anything.

These are just a few of the many examples that show how our non-verbals affect what we say.

 

Let's be cognizant of our body language when we are speaking to our husbands or other men, so that we are not guilty of being disresprectful.

 

 

“Where body language conflicts with the words that are being said, the body language will usually be the more 'truthful' in the sense of revealing true feelings.”   - Glen Wilson