Body Language



“The utmost form of respect is to give sincerely of your presence.” 
-Mollie Marti

Can we be disrespectful if we aren't saying anything?

Absolutely!

 

Statistics show that roughly 55% of what we say is non-verbal, 38% is the tone we use and only 7% is the actual spoken word. I don't know about you, but that amazes me! More than half of what we say is communicated by our non-verbals!

 

We had non-verbals before we had speech, it was our first language. We were not born with the ability to speak. Our care takers had to become students of reading our non-verbal cues. As we developed and were able to speak, it became easier for them to understand our needs. At the same time, the significance of non-verbals remained the same.

 

Growing up, the disprespect of talking back to our parents or other adults was strictly forbidden. Fortunately, I have an older sister to learn from and got a front row seat to the one time she tried it. I mastered the skill of showing my displeasure through my non-verbals, particularly in my teenage years. Wheather it was an eye roll, crossing my arms, a raised eye brow or my stance; I spoke, without speaking.  

 

Early in my marriage when there was a disagreement, I would refuse to speak. I did this, not because I was trying to help the situtation, but because I don't like conflict with my husband. The easiest response for me is to shut down. However, there were times I did it because I realized how much 'power' it gave me. My husband is a problem solver and wants to immediately fix everything. I am a stuffer and like to process things in my own timing. I soon realized how not speaking, was my biggest weapon in our arguements. I did not see it then as being disrespectful, because I was not saying anything. It was not until I was older that I realized the truth. Nearly seventeen years later, I still fight the urge to shut down. I want to be respectful and so I push myself to have conversations I would otherwise avoid. 

 

Non-verbals are expressed through our gestures, posture, touch, space and facial expressions. We can say one thing and yet our non-verbals communicate something completly different. Here are a few examples: 





Crossed arms can convey an attitude of being closed minded, irritated, impatient, or bored.

Eye rolling is disprespectful and demonstrates that you think what the other person is saying has no value.

Your stance is a key to how you communicate. It can easily depict anger, frustration, or impatience.



Sometimes refusing to speak or ignoring the other person is just as disrespectful as what you say.

Gestures can be helpful or harmful. They say everything without saying anything.

These are just a few of the many examples that show how our non-verbals affect what we say.

 

Let's be cognizant of our body language when we are speaking to our husbands or other men, so that we are not guilty of being disresprectful.

 

 

“Where body language conflicts with the words that are being said, the body language will usually be the more 'truthful' in the sense of revealing true feelings.”   - Glen Wilson



Love and Respect

Husbands must love their wives

 and wives must respect their husbands.  

Ephesians 5:23

Shortly after I began my blog, my pastor from our church, Dr. Benji Kelley, began the series 'Love and Respect'. It is a spin off from Dr Emerson Eggerich's well known series.

The series gives details into the reasons a man needs to be respected by his wife and how he in turn loves her back. And how the wife needs love and she in turn respects him.

 

He needs respect!

 

She needs love!

So much of what he speaks about directly alines to what I have been writing about and plan to write about in the future. I thought it fitting to include this series as a part of my blog.

Click the links below for Parts 1 and Part 2 of this four part series and watch as Dr. Kelley takes a very humorous and real look into the marriage relationship.


newhope church Love and Respect part1

newhope church Love and Respect Part 2

Affirmations

Pleasant words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 

Proverbs 16:24

This month, we will gather with family and friends around the Thanksgiving table, to celebrate with hearts of gratitude for all that we have been blessed with. Unfortunately, the holidays can also be stressful and busy, which is why it is also an important time to let others know how much we appreciate them. After all, who doesn't like to be encouraged or appreciated?  So, I thought what better way to start getting in the spirit of gratitude than by practicing on our spouse or loved ones?

 I have compiled a list of 55 affirmations to help get the process started.


1. I respect you.

2. I believe in you!

3. I trust you.

4. I am proud of you.

5. I admire you.

6. I appreciate all that you do for our family.

7. I am glad I married you.

8. I missed you.

9. I love you!

10. I love how you love others.

11. I value your leadership in our home.

12. I will go wherever you lead.

13. I value you.

14. I love how you serve others.

15. You are a good man.

16. I accept you unconditionally.

17. You make me a better person.

18. You are my best friend.

19. I love your drive and passion.

20. Our children are blessed to have you as their father.

21. You are a godly father.

22. You work so hard.

23. You are an awesome man of God.

24. You are dependable.

25. You were right. I was wrong.

26. I feel safe with you.

27. You are my man!

28. I love you just the way you are.

29. You are so smart.

30. You make me laugh/smile.

31. You are strong.

32. You are considerate.

33. I will always stand by your side.

34. I want to grow old with you.

35. You have great character.

36. Being your wife is an honor.

37. I am better because of you.

38. You inspire me.

39. I love your ideas!

40. I desire you.

41. It is fun being with you.

42. You are thoughtful.

43. You are unselfish.

44. I have learned a lot from you.

45. You are a rock.

46. There is no one like you.

47. You are a man of conviction.

48. You are a man of action.

49. I will honor you.

50. You will always have my heart.

51. It is an honor to stand next to you.

52. You are a man of integrity.

53. Thank you for __________!

54. I am praying for you.

55. You mean the world to me.


Every man is different. The same phrase may not have the same impact or meaning for every person; nor will their response to affirmation be the same.
Regardless, every man has in innate desire to be appreciated.
The point is to search for what it is that triggers that sense of appreciation and respect that they deserve. 

If affirming your spouse is not something you regularly practice, be patient and just try it. It may seem difficult at first. If it does not come easily, maybe you need to look deeper and be sure your heart is in the right place. Pray about it first! Focus on his positives, say them in your head first, then out loud, until they become a reality!

It's your turn, make your own list. Take 5-10 minutes and write down as many positive things that you can think of about your loved one. Now go and tell him!
(Not all at once of course, you don't want to freak him out.)

Summing it all up, friends,

I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and mediating on things

 true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-

the best, not the worst;

the beautiful, not the ugly;

things to praise, not things to curse.

Philippians 4:8 (MSG)