Be Accountable

"Words are instruments, they are tools that, in their different ways,

are as effective as any sharp edge or violate chemical. 

They are, like coins, items of great value,

but they represent a currency that, well spent, returns ever greater riches."

-Tim Radford

 
Imagine with me for a moment that someone followed you around for an entire day recording every word you spoke. At the end of the day the recording was played back to you.

Would you be okay with what you hear? Would there be cringe moments or  moments that you are actually embarrassed or ashamed to hear?

I know for me, it might even depend on the day. The truth is, some days are easier than others. Regardless of how our day is going or how we are feeling, we are still responsible for words spoken or the tone with which they were said. The person receiving the words will take them to heart either way.

Just last week I was at an event with my husband. A friend of ours who was there, was eager to introduce us to his parents who were visiting from out of town. As the conversation progressed my husband shared with them how glad he was that their son had become so involved in our church; all the great things he was doing and how exciting it was that he had recently been baptized. His mother responded critically, " Well, we never thought it would be him that would be drawn to a church, we always thought it would be his brother. Guess we were wrong." To which his father added in the same tone, "That was his third baptism, how many times does someone need to get baptized in their life?"  I was immediately heart broken for our friend. He was visibly deflated and obviously hurt. By disrespecting their son in front of his pastor they sadly missed an opportunity to encourage him in his walk with Christ and affirm him.

Later that evening while speaking with a different couple, the wife began belittling her husband for 'always forgetting to do something... and how she doesn't understand why he can't ever figure it out?' Even though she was saying it with a smile on her face, it does not negate the fact that she was ridiculing her husband publicly. The husband did not verbally respond, but you could see he was bothered by her words.

Both of these incidences were in public settings. However, even if they had been spoken privately, the hurt would still exist. 

What happens inside of a male when he is spoken to in that way?
It depends on the man's personality. He could quickly respond unkindly, say nothing and keep it inside, or fall somewhere in between. Regardless of his response I guarantee you one thing, it bothers him!  No man ever wants to feel humiliated or disrespected in any setting.

We must refuse to speak words carelessly. We need to really listen to what is coming out of our mouths and be sensitive to how it is received. We need to own our words! We need to be accountable for them! We need to be grace-filled in keeping others accountable for their speech when it is dishonoring.

I have learned that when I am aware of my words and how they are being said, I am able to hear the words or tones that come out disrespectfully. Sometimes it catches me off guard, and I think, 'Wow! That is not at all how I meant to say that!' Whether it be to my children or to my husband. The reality is I did, and it is in that moment of awareness I have the opportunity to apologize and quickly restore the relationship.

Many times as I begin my day I simply pray:
 

" May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, [today] O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer." 

Psalm 19:14 (NIV)

I encourage you to do the same. There are certain times I need to pray the verse more than once throughout the day and you may need to as well. That's okay! Simply having an awareness of our words will result in showing more honor and love to the men in our lives.